Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
