he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This baby is an asshole
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
