if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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