she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
