I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
