Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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