I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
