I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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