aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
