If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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