I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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