I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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