the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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