I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
