Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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