I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have peed in a lot of sinks
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize