is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it's great music for shaving your balls
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
