no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
love makes seman taste better
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
