My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
