doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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