ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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