I looked at my own cervix.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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