time to smoke my breakfast
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
