She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
