Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
3 2 1 whiskey
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
