508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
