she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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