there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
