we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
