So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
