So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
