none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
