$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
