i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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