Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
People in love make me want to vomit
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
