So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
