Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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