im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
