Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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