If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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