Duck Duck Cougar?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
