her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
