i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
