I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
