It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We don't watch enough power rangers
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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