He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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