It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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