Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The air was thick with penises
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
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