Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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