Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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