A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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