85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
