I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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