you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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