you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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