You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
