Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
