I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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