The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
