You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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