One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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