we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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