I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
