She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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