Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
