and you said cock pushups were impossible
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am mentally ready for anal.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
