I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
MIDGETS
????
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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