Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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