I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
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