dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
did i just pee glitter
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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