my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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