Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize