I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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