I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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