Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
