Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
