Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
