three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
