feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
