I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
