we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
