What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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