reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
