It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
